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The Kali Krew Presents: Our Heroes!

City authorities in your area
Have reported that the bodies of the dead
Are rising from the graves
And attacking the living

Fight ’em Til You Can’t – Anthrax

After the first mad rush of the zombie apocalypse you’ll have to think of the necessities of life. Food, shelter, protection from the ravening hordes. Possibly live music. You never know what could occur during an apocalypse. And when we say ‘zombie apocalypse’ we mean a good, old-fashioned Romero horde. None of these new-fangled rage monkey zombies.

Below are the Kali Krew’s choices to be their mighty protectors during the apocalypse.

This list is brought to you by Lilyn

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Lilyn’s Pick

EVE from Wall-E

“I choose EVE from Wall-E. We all saw how determined that robot was to achieve her goal, right? She was willing to do anything. If I needed someone on my side to help me survive, someone who could fly, had a plasma cannon, and a scanner to detect life would be top of the list. Also, she’s proven by the end of the movie that she’s a good egg with heart. So, yeah, Eve would be my choice.” – Lilyn

Gracie’s Pick

The T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgement Day

“My first choice was the original Arnie Terminator. But then I started thinking about it. The zombies might be drawn to the synthetic flesh. The T-1000 could imitate the zombies while grabbing snacks. He wouldn’t need to eat so I wouldn’t have to share the food and Coke (what? you think I’m drinking water even in an apocalypse?) and he’d never need to sleep so he’d be an excellent watchdog. Plus, he’s like a Swiss army knife unto himself, no need for weapons scavenging. The only drawback would be the Terminator might be able to charge an e-reader and I don’t think the T-1000 could.” – Gracie

Olly’s Pick

Mechagodzilla from Mechagodzilla

“For stomping and eye lasers. I would ride on his back high above the horde with a flask of tea and some biscuits.” – Olly

Sam’s Pick

Edward from Twilight

*Note from editor – Sam was having a little trouble thinking of one so her dear friends Shawn and Gracie decided to help her out! Aren’t we the bestsest! Not sure Sam would agree but, ya know. That’s alright. We’re doing it alllll for her.

Sam would happily ignore the apocalypse by gazing into Edward’s deep, shimmering, oh-so-broody eyeballs. She might even get so lost in those oceanic eyes and forget to breathe. And, as added defense, his bedazzledwould blind the incoming zombies with its broody brilliance.” – Shawn and Gracie

Eliza’s Pick

Kylo Ren from Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

“Look, he can do the force choke, and if he can do the force choke I’m confident he can squish zombie heads from afar. Plus, he can sense things coming. He’s pretty handy with a lightsaber, so he can take out any zombies who do get close to him. I’m sure Rey could be pretty awesome too, but Kylo’s got that killer instinct. And let’s just keep it real. He’s evil, but he’s some evil eye candy, and the zombies won’t be providing much of that in the zombie apocalypse.” – Eliza

Shawn’s Pick

Link from The Legend of Zelda series

“He’s resourceful, good with a sword and can seemingly cook amazing meals out of shit he just finds in the world.” – Shawn

Bill’s Pick

The Flash from The Flash

“For slow zombies I want The Flash, obviously, because he could just round up the whole group and be done with it.” – Bill

JB Rockwell

Dale from Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

“Hands down, Dale from Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. I’ll take an accidental hero over a chest-thumping, pants-stuffing hero any day. Also? Dude knows his way around a chainsaw. The chainsawers will save us when the zombies arrive.” – JB Rockwell

Brian’s Pick

Hooper from Hooper

“Burt Reynolds’ stunt man character Hooper from the movie Hooper because imagine all the cool and fun shit that an old stunt man could get into during the apocalypse. You’d have a blast and he would know what to do with all those abandoned cars. Can handle himself in a fight.”– Brian

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Well, that’s our list of heroes. Our Big Damn Heroes, one might say and we’d have it no other day during a zombie apocalypse. We tried to think outside of the box a little when we chose our heroes so let us know down below what character you would like to have be by your side to face the inevitable zombie hordes?

Published inTop Ten Tuesday

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