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The VelociPastor #MovieReview

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

Movie poster for VelociPastor

Tagline: How long has it been since your last confession?
Release Date: August 2019 | Genre: Horror Comedy | Runtime: 1 hr 15 minutes |
Language: English | Source: We received a screener from October Coast for review consideration.

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The VelociPastor Review

This was glorious. Pure batshit cheese. So much better than I could have even hoped for.

Brendan Steere, Alyssa Kempinski, and Greg Cohan are a dino-mite team in The VelociPastor. Pretty much everything about the movie was perfect; if you’re a fan of low-budget horror-comedies, it’s a must-see. It has everything you could ask for – perfectly timed, groan-worthy lines, props that look like they came from a school play, and actors that embrace every bit of the cheese potential.

This had me roaring with laughter several times. It’s the type of movie that, honestly, if you don’t look at the poster and go “Oh, my God, I need this” then you need to just back away slowly. It’s crude, loud, and ridiculous and amazingly good. Steere manages to bring the feel of the 70s to the screen in the best way. And when you add ninjas and a VelociPastor, really, there’s nothing else you dare ask for.

Part of (okay, most of) what makes The VelociPastor so great is that Kempinksi and Cohan (a better-looking version of Benedict Cumberbatch) act the hell out of it. It’s stupid cheesy, and yet they manage such solid performances that you can’t help but admire them.

Overall, this is a damned near perfect movie and I (and Sam, who also watched and gave her input here) recommend it to everyone. Lots of action, lots of laughter, lots of fun.

Side note: When Kempinski (who reminds me of LeeLee Sobieski) shed her coat to engage in some gratuitous violence, my ten-year-old oooh’ed and said: “She’s sexy as dog biscuits.” (It was said in a very admiring tone.)

Published inMovie Reviews

One Comment

  1. I thought I was the only one that had a blast with this movie! So nice to know I;m not alone. LOL

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