2084: Part 3  


Member Admin
Joined:2 years  ago
Posts: 72
01/09/2017 8:47 am  

Here be where we talk about Part 3 of 2084 overall.

Part 2 contains chapters 16 through 22.

Feel free to break it out into individual chapter posts if you want. 

Pledge Bookworm
Joined:8 months  ago
Posts: 13
21/09/2017 5:52 pm  

Alright, the part 1...2...3 organization is orderly, but doesn't fit me very well. I'm a gestalty kinda guy. This bit applies to the middle through the end so it seemed to fit the most here.

THE SIM in all caps -- put me in mind of THE AWESOME STORE in The Amazing World of Gumball.







...and then THE SIM turns out to be an infodump to explain how the world got so screwed up in the space of a generation, and not really something to hide or anything useful if you're, say, trying to fight THE MAN.

It was very manga setup, really. Especially the bits about categorizing people into groups based on how to control them, except the last bit which are just people who suck apparently and are for killing, except there's a lot of pussyfooting around the word "kill" for people who have Peter Thiel levels of villainous want-to-control-the-world-and-everybody's-mind-with-virtual-reality-crack.

The ending was awfully derivative of 1984. The only difference is the gin is electronic now.

Overall -- a decent first effort. Writer shows promise and is encouraged to submit future works.


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