The Offering Review

The Offering

Synopsis:  A young journalist discovers her sister has supposedly committed suicide, and travels to Singapore to uncover the truth, which, of course, includes the discovery that technology is the ruin of the woooooooorld…*cue evil laughter*

Taglines: -nothing official, but may I suggest “Technology is the tool of the Devil!” ?-

Release Date: 2016-6-5  | MPAA Rating: R | Coolthulhus Earned: 1

Trailer: The Offering


–S&S–


The Offering Review

Also known as “The Faith of Anna Waters”

Supposedly, this is Singapore’s first Hollywood horror flick. Well, it definitely leaps straight into Hollywood cliches, jump scares, and generic settings. Except for a few skyline sweeps, this movie could have been made anywhere. It was the epitome of mass-produced milquetoast horror that is deadening the senses of all horror aficionados out there.

 I can’t even take this review seriously at this point. Sorry folks, the gloves are off and the snark is free.

Technology will be the downfall of us all!

*screams of terror*

Delete Outlook Contacts? Delete them from life!

*shocked gasp*

0s and 1s really are the universal language. Remember what God thinks of that?

*cue old women fainting in horror*

All of these would be perfectly acceptable tag lines on posters for this movie.

 The Offering swings between cliche and vaguely amusing to outright eye-rolling ridiculousness, but never once manages to provide any trace of true entertainment. In the first ten minutes of the film, I’d turned to look at my partner and went “Really? REALLY? Is that even..can they…what…”

The script was ridiculous, the acting was awful, the effects were so ridiculous that at one point I actually laughed out loud when it looked like one of the characters was placed on a handcart and wheeled backwards. (Really, there’s no other way to describe that sequence than exactly that.)  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it looks like the director set out to make sure that Singapore’s first Hollywood horror movie would fail as completely as it possible could. If so, mission accomplished sir, mission accomplished. You have managed to produce the worst example of a Hollywood-level horror film that I have ever seen, and even manage to give The Gallows a run for it’s money in the “please just kill me instead of making me watch it” section.

The Offering has not a single redeeming characteristic and deserves to be banished to the depths of the bad film abyss as soon as possible.

This movie sucks, but if you don’t believe me… rent it via Amazon and witness the travesty yourself.

1 Star Rated Film
By the way, the disease mentioned in the movie is Huntington’s Disease. I’ve included a bit of information on it, just to broaden your minds and add some level of “me not just ranting about how awful this piece of crap movie is” to this review.

Huntington’s disease (HD) is a neurodegenerative genetic disorder that affects muscle coordination and leads to mental decline and behavioral symptoms.[1] Symptoms of the disease can vary between individuals and affected members of the same family, but usually progress predictably. The earliest symptoms are often subtle problems with mood or cognition. A general lack of coordination and an unsteady gait often follow. As the disease advances, uncoordinated, jerky body movements become more apparent, along with a decline in mental abilities and behavioral symptoms.[1] Physical abilities gradually worsen until coordinated movement becomes difficult. Mental abilities generally decline into dementia. Complications such as pneumonia, heart disease, and physical injury from falls reduce life expectancy to around twenty years from the point at which symptoms begin. Physical symptoms can begin at any age from infancy to old age, but usually begin between 35 and 44 years of age. The disease may develop earlier in life in each successive generation. About 6% of cases start before the age of 21 years with an akinetic-rigid syndrome; they progress faster and vary slightly. The variant is classified as juvenile, akinetic-rigid, or Westphal variant HD. – From Wikipedia

Title: The Offering | Director: Kelvin Tong | Actors:  Matthew Settle, Elizabeth Rice, Pamelyn Chee | Production Cos: Boku Films Pte Limited, Boku Films, PEP Pictures | Release Date: 2016-6-5 | Genre(s): Horror & Thriller | MPAA Rating: R | Rating: 1 out of 5

Disagree with this The Offering review? Then I must congratulate you on being the only person I’ve ever met with worse taste than I have.

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