Rings Review


Movie cover for Rings

Synopsis: A young woman finds herself on the receiving end of a terrifying curse that threatens to take her life in seven days.

Tagline:  First you watch it. Then you die.

Starring:  Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz, Alex Roe, Johnny Galecki

Release Date: Feb 3, 2017 | MPAA Rating: PG-13 | Coolthulhus Earned: 3

Watch the official Rings trailer here.


Rings Review

(Spoiler Free)

Rings is the 3rd entry in the popular American re-make of the J-Horror films by the same name.  It moves swiftly and surely through the expected paces. The writers and director make no attempt to stray outside the boundaries of what is expected. There is a mold, and they will stick within that mold no matter how much it might kill every spark of creativity inside them. Still, they gave safe mediocrity a valiant effort!

I’d read a lot of the less-than-enthused reviews about the new Rings movie. So, it’s safe to say I went into with low expectations at best. Maybe that’s part of the reason I didn’t actually mind the movie. I’d even go so far as to say it put me mildly on edge and kept me engaged. I guess my question for everyone that put down the movie so hard is: What exactly were you expecting? It’s Rings. For Cthulhu’s sake, they couldn’t even be bothered to give it a decent title. it’s just “Rings“. And if you read the synopsis, it screamed “dead horse, beating it!” The laws of horror trilogies say this one wasn’t going to be very good!

Yes, Rings relies a lot on jump-scares/startles. I’ve gotten in the habit of wearing earplugs when I go to the movies anymore, whether it be action or horror. It just makes it a much more pleasant experience for me if I don’t have sounds screaming in my ears.  Still, even with my propensity to jump halfway out of my seat with every loud sound brought down to a more reasonable level, I still found myself at least mostly interested in what I was watching. I liked it better than the ridiculousness that was Batman Vs. Superman. (Which, really, that’s like comparing horse poo to donkey poo, but still.)

Don’t get me wrong – Rings is not a good movie. I wish I would have waited until it hit second run theaters to watch it. However, when I consider some of the other utter crap I’ve watched in theaters before, it’s not that bad at all. There’s a bit of eye-candy of the male and female form, some very interesting eyebrows I couldn’t stop staring at, etc. (If you’re wondering about the eyebrow remark, look up Alex Roe and Johnny Galecki on IMDB. You’ll see what I mean.) The actors do a decent job considering what they’re in. The pacing is decent. And I don’t know about you but that gagging on hair scene nearly made me heave.

One also needs to keep in mind that Rings is the third in a trilogy. That means there’s not going to be anything new, and the writers had to find something we didn’t know about Samara to focus on. Namely, her origins. There’s also some serious stretching involved to make the movie relatable to the times. We’ll just say Samara is able to evolve with the times and leave that at that.

Nothing about the movie, from the way its shot to the dialogue itself is original. However, if you’re bored and it’s late at night there’s no harm in putting it on. It’s a solidly ‘meh’ movie that might have you enjoying it under the right circumstances.

Spoilers GIF

(Spoiler Section)

What’s with evil blind men? Is this becoming a thing? First, there was the creepy guy in Don’t Breathe, and then there’s the ex-preacher in Rings. One is a lean, mean killing machine. The other’s a fat, perverted ex-preacher, but still… And, oh, my lord, the scene between the preacher and Julie at the end. That was horrible. I clapped my hands over my mouth and just sniggered at the ridiculousness.

I will say, even though it was completely expected, I did like the ending of Rings. If you’ve seen the trailer, you get a sense as to what is going to happen, but it never seems like it’s going to be pulled off. The main character is just too … All-American Sweetheart. So for her to actually end up being the vehicle Samara returns through? Kind of cool. And it ended on an appropriately evil note.

So, yeah, not good, but not crap-mouth horrible either.


3 Star Rated Film Review of Rings