PTSD Talk: We’re off to see the Psychiatrist

In this latest episode of PTSD talks, we chronicle the next step towards official looniness in the degrading mind of a grieving mother slash insomniac slash crazy lady.

Met with my CNP on Monday to give her the news that the med we had hoped would work – that seemed to be working – no longer works. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Hellloooo insomnia resurgence.


So, my CNP threw in the towel. I need stronger/more aggressive med management than she can prescribe. I’m officially referred to a psychiatrist. This irritates me. Especially since the first available appointment isn’t until a week after my youngest daughter would have turned three. I think mainly because I feel like I reach out for help, alllllmooooost got it, and then it slipped through my fingers.

You know from my last post that my mind is not in a good place right now. I feel like every year gets worse instead of better. Like my crazy is scratching at the walls I put up to protect myself, and when it finally jailbreaks, the feces is going to hit the oscillating object in a most glorious fashion. 

I just want to sleep.

That’s it. Just sleep.

How much can a mind be expected to take with no supports in place?

I guess we’ll find out. Lets see if I make it through another cycle of hell without going insane.

Side note: My boss, who has a background in mental health, wants me to speak with the psychiatrist about a possible ADHD diagnosis. I thought this was interesting because when I was younger, my teachers talked about getting me tested. However, it never happened because I was a straight A student, never disrupted class, etc. I just quickly and efficiently did my work, then lost myself in another world. I have a lot of the classic ADHD symptoms. It’ll be interesting to see what the doctor says.


10 thoughts on “PTSD Talk: We’re off to see the Psychiatrist

  1. Ugh! You know I feel ya about the insomnia part. Keeping my fingers crossed that the new doc has a magical fix for you. You persevere through way more adversity than most people can handle…..that’s something you know. Proud of you.

  2. I follow another blogger who suffers from considerable physical disabilities, with a weight problem on top of (and adding to) them. I think what I find you two have in common is the sense that it’s not going to end, and that there’s no real help, merely palliatives that barely keep you going. (Or even make problems worse, as the side effect from a medication did for me once.)

    It’s kind of funny that you blog here, because I’ve used writing as therapy sometimes. Sometimes I write out why I’m angry, which both reduces it a bit and gives me the chance to think about my anger, understand it. Other times I’ve used writing to work off stress; the last story I serialized on my blog featured a guy who was a bit of a heel, because writing about how clueless he was helped me cope with what I could not directly affect.

    And writing about horror . . . hey, when I was horribly stressed out around age 30, I read books about people being miserable (love lives of the Pre-Raphaelite artists, anyone?) because schadenfreude is real. I hope your reading and reviews do something like that for you, offering SOME relief.

    1. Reading does help. Reviews help in that they get me more books to read. I blog about it for two reasons. 1.) Because if I help even one person know they aren’t alone, it’s worth it. 2.) Because you are supposed to personalize your blog to seem “real” & engaging and…well… I just don’t have anything lighthearted to talk about.

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