Synopsis: A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet and transporting thousands of people has a malfunction in its sleep chambers. As a result, two passengers are awakened 90 years early.
Tagline: There is a reason they woke up.
Release Date: December 21st, 2016 | MPAA Rating: PG-13 | Coolthulhus Earned: 1
Passengers‘ Official Trailer.
Passengers is one of the worst movies I have seen this year. It was completely disturbing and also pretty much utterly unoriginal. I can’t believe they had an (estimated) budget of $110,000,000 and still couldn’t manage to deliver anything new. They even have the ‘man alone’ montage you see in survivalist films, and focus on very important things like him growing a beard. And let’s not forget the much needed shot of him walking bare-assed away from the camera. C’mon, guys, we saw all that crap (most recently) when we watched The Martian !! I know those type of scenes are fairly iconic, but you could have least tried.
And while we’re talking about unoriginal scenes, let’s talk about all the shots that were needed to make sure that we understood that Jennifer Lawrence’s character was smoking hot. I mean, we simply could not have made it through this movie without multiple shots of her in her little mesh bikini-suit thing. Or walking sexily into or out of a room. Or practically devouring Pratt’s character in a surge of lust. Yes, we needed all of that. That was absolutely essential. Just like it was obvious that we didn’t need her character to be even mildly intelligent. Everybody loves a dumb, helpless but sexy blonde, right?
What really ticks me off though is the marketing for this movie makes it look like it is something completely different than what it is. You go into Passengers thinking you’re going to be watching a sci-fi romance with a bit of action. Instead what you get is a completely unacceptable situation shoved into your face, and being told that it’s okay because of certain parameters. No. It is not okay. Passengers is NOT okay.
Oh, and let’s spoonfeed a very basic action sequence to justify the ‘saving the ship’ portion we promised.
There will be mild spoilers possible within this review from here on out. They will be in reference to a central point of the movie. However, I will do my best not to outright reveal any major details.
Yes, they end up having to save the ship, but that is not what this movie is about. What it’s about is the relationship between the two of them that develops after Chris Pratt’s character does something awful. Understandable, but selfish nonetheless. I mean that. I can totally get why Pratt’s character does what he does. “A drowning man will try to drag someone down with him.” The fact that I understand why he did it does not make it okay.
Making your character relatable does not excuse the fact that he did something unforgivable.
The writers don’t even have the balls to try to do something unexpected at the end. Nope, you know how this whole pile of steaming feculence is going to work out from beginning to end.
For that matter, it’s just a lazy bit of writing in general. You can easily imagine the writers coming up with the twisted bit of acts of doucheness we’re supposed to accept, and thinking “Now, how do I make this okay?” Idea! Let’s make it necessary for two people to be awake to save everyone! Oh, and let’s throw in a ten-minute appearance by a different character to tell the audience why it’s okay that Pratt’s character did what he did. And on, and on.
Passengers is stupid, lazy, says woman’s only important role is to make a man happy, and ridiculously unoriginal. It’s a waste of time, space, and money.