My Monster

Hey folks,

If you’ve been following the site for any length of time, you know that I have a daughter with a life-threatening illness. You might also recall that I’ve already lost a daughter to a *different* terminal illness.

What you might not know is the past few months, my living daughter’s health has been going wibbly-wobbly on me. Her tests are coming back fine (well, not *fine*, but not changed from her previous assessments), and so the doctors are codswalloped. We’re continuing to test.

It’s really, really hard for me to continue like everything is all fine and dandy when in the space of week I’ve had to discuss getting my child a wheelchair and putting her back on supplemental o2.

Actually, it’s not just a discussion. We pick up L’s temporary (we’ll re-evaluate in six months) wheelchair on Friday.

The wheelchair isn’t a ‘she’s going to be in this every day’ thing. It’s for use on her bad days, long trips, shopping trips, etc. So I really shouldn’t feel as conflicted as I am, because lots of people have kids in wheelchairs that are permanently in them, but …. It feels like I’m making a concession for her issues that I’ve never had to make before. Before she was small enough for a stroller, or to ride on my back. She’s gotten too big for that to be an option now. So the wheelchair makes sense right now, logically, but that doesn’t make me any happier about it.

I am not in my happy spot.

So, I’m not going to take any more review books for a while. I’ll still continue to review stuff that I pick up and movies because they don’t require as much time, I’m just not accepting any more book submissions for a bit.

Gracie will continue to accept submissions.

I personally will accept submissions again soon-ish. I will continue to try to plow through the books that everyone has submitted. Yes, there may be a delay, and I’m sorry for that, but I guarantee if you walked a mile in my shoes right now you’d probably be shocked I was still continuing to read at the rate that I am.

We may occasionally drop down to only one post a day sometimes, but we will continue to give you fresh content every day.

Just… my kid, y’all. My Monster. I’ve been through this hell once. And I’m scared boneless that I’m gonna have to do it again.

I hope you guys and gals never know how freaking horrible this is.



Lighter note: Anyone know how i can get my hands on a customized but removable tag for her wheelchair to make it fun for her?

We’ve decided it’s going to be called “The Monster Mobile”.

15 thoughts on “My Monster

  1. Jesus H Christ, Lilyn, I had no idea. Rosie told me. I am gutted for you and amazed that you can concentrate on anything, though perhaps reading and writing about stuff that doesn’t matter takes your mind away from all that you are going through, in some small way.

    I’m so, so sorry, for what it’s worth (yep, absolutely nothing…), and hope you obviously incredible strength will help get you all through this. Though you probably don’t feel strong at all right now, I know, I know….

    Love Terry xx

    1. Thanks, Terry. Yes, reading and writing does keep my mind off things though you get to a point where you get scatterbrained.

      Monster is handling everything well but it’s scary as heck to watch your kid do a health yo-yo for no apparent reason.

  2. Sorry to hear Miss L is having problems, particularly when tests don’t seem to help pinpoint it, which is piling frustration on top of more serious problems. (And been wondering a bit, as she seemed not to get as many mentions here as she used to.) You and she come first, the blog, the books, the book authors, and your readers second. (GracieKat comes in somewhere in-between, I guess.) I’ve had to suspend my blogs for family issues at times, and while it pained me, the worst thing that happened was getting hate e-mail addressed to ‘Occupant.’

  3. Thinking of you. Don’t worry about the reviews. The tag probably depends on the material. If you want metal perhaps engravers that make trophies are plaques… Or a printer if it’s a plastic or other materials (these days seem to print on all kind of materials). Love to Monster.

    1. I don’t want metal. I know that much. This isn’t her permanent wheelchair, though, so a free hanging tag from a printer might be best choice.

      Thanks, Olga!

  4. Hang in there, Lilyn. Monster knows you love her and that’s all that matters. Monster Mobile 🙂 Love it!

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