Synopsis: A remake of the 1982 Poltergeist movie, where the Freeling Bowens family moves into a home, only to start noticing paranormal activity almost immediately. It manifests most strongly in the interactions with the youngest child, and before you know it, its ghost-hunters and trips through the spirit world in a desperate effort to rescue CarolAnn Madison.
Tagline: They know what scares you.
Release Date: 2015-5-22 | MPAA Rating: PG-13 | Coolthulhus Earned: 2
As soon as I heard they were remaking Poltergeist, I shook my head in disgust. That movie was pretty damn near perfect for what it was, and when it was. I don’t know what’s up with the current Hollywood trend of remaking every. bloody. horror. movie. out. there. but it needs to stop. Leave the classics alone! Gah! I knew I’d watch it though. I’m a sucker for remakes. I’m not sure what it is – I think perhaps its the “watch the train-wreck in action” mentality. Rubber-necking at 2.99 a night.
Because, yes, I might voluntarily watch a remake, but I am not going to pay full theatre price to do so.
Surprisingly, re-Poltergeist wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. I’d read some horrible reviews, so I was expecting the worst. It wasn’t even “this will become background music while I read a book” bad. However, by no stretch of the imagination was it a good film.
There are so many things – and I find this vaguely amusing – in terms of special effects that the original movie did better. The tree? The tree was creepy as hell in the first movie. This time? “Meh.” The TV scene? Pfffffft. They went over-the-top with the rope into the closet/doorway to the afterlife thing. I think just because they could. It read as sort of one of those “LOOK HOW MUCH MUNNIES WE GOTS FOR CGI!” sort of thing.
You know why they shouldn’t have tried to remake Poltergeist, in a nutshell?
There is no one, I repeat, NO ONE who can fill Zelda Rubinstein’s role in Poltergeist. That woman brought such charisma, quirkiness, and fun to that role that trying to shoehorn anyone else into the petite yet awesome hole she left behind is just wrong. They tried to wedge Jared Harris into the role, but… nope. Anyways, yes, putting aside everything else – Zelda is why they should never have even tried to do what they did.
…and for Circe’s sake, if you’re going to remake the bloody movie, at least give us the skeletons in the muddy swimming pool area. Don’t just cop-out with jerking a person around by an invisible demon/ghost/poltergeist as is now done in practically EVERY horror movie out there. There was really no need to add an extra layer of un-originality in there!
Viewed independently, trying to forget this is a re-make, Poltergeist still doesn’t do well. There is no original material. The jump scares fall flat, the tension is absent for a good bit of the film, and none of the characters put forth a performance that makes you actually care about them. Its… Paranormal Activity 3 level. ((You know. First one was great, second one was okay, third one was “…it had its moments.” ))
If you want to see this movie, wait until it hits Redbox or Netflix. Its not worth paying even 2.99 for, unless you get a deal where popcorn is included in the price. Click here to rent or buy Poltergeist (2015) on Amazon.com (or don’t. Really. Watch the original instead.)