Toys are fun. They can be cute, cuddly and charming. Dolls, horses, action figures…you name it, there’s probably a toy version of it. Sometimes, though, movies love to turn cute and cuddly into evil and deadly. Or at minimum, tiny and terrifying. We’ve got a list here to make you think twice about that awesome Freddy Krueger action figure on your shelf.
Flyby Five, where we abandon all sense of seriousness and do silly lists about whatever pops into our heads. This segment will be posted every Wednesday we feel like posting it. This is not a serious list, nor is it a “Top 5” list. And there is every possible chance that some of these lists or the language in these lists may not be PG-13 friendly. You have been warned. -L&G
Chucky from Child’s Play
Voiced by Brad Dourif and (most likely) based on the My Buddy dolls of the eighties. In fact, it’s probably why they didn’t sell so well. Would you want one after seeing Child’s Play?
Annabelle from The Conjuring
The real Annabelle is not quite so fearsome looking as Movie Annabelle because, really, does this look like a portal for evil? Yeah. Porcelain dolls are much freakier. Pray you never have to spend the night at my mother-in-laws. The guest bedroom is also host to dolls and disembodied heads. It looks like the room of a porcelain serial killer.
Toy Soldiers from Battleground
Army men can be fun to play with and fun little toys (unless you step on one, ouch.). But these little guys have very real weapons that include rocket launchers, a helicopter and a Rambo-like commando. Oh, yeah, and a mini thermonuclear device. Moral of the story? If you’re a hitman paid to take out a toy inventor, just say no thanks.
Puppets from The Puppet Master series
The puppets from the Puppet Master series have a long history. They are also not technically evil as they tend to be on the side of good. For the most part. But they will use whatever means necessary to achieve the ends of their Master. With names like Blade, Leech Woman, Pinhead, Jester, Tunneler, Torch, Six-Shooter, Ninja, Decapitron and The Retro-Puppets these are puppets you do not want to mess with. I’ve always wished for a showdown between these toys and the Muppets.
Chattery Teeth from Quicksilver Highway
Based on the short story by Stephen King, these walking, snapping teeth are actually the good guys. But woe betide any mugger foolish enough to mess with the owner of this particular set of Chattery Teeth toy. It won’t end well. Trust me.
I hope you’ve enjoyed our list of not-so-fun toys and let us know in the comments if I’ve left any killer toys out. Or even just toys you find freaky, be it a horror movie or not.