So the last time I’d checked in about this, it hadn’t exactly been a good visit. Bad memories, nightmares, flashbacks, etc. All that good stuff.
Happy to report that this latest one was much better.
It didn’t help, mind you. But it was better.
By the end of the session she’d actually made me sleepy. So I was all “YAY! This actually has a chance!” Then, that night, I drifted off relatively easy. Woke up thinking “Wow…maybe..” Fastforward to the next night, where the spectre of sleep stands over me, fat finger pointing in my direction, taunting me with the fact that I’d actually thought it would work.
Oh, and I was put on Wellbutrin. Then I was taken right back off of Wellbutrin because I was doing a fairly accurate imitation of a possessed person climbing the effin’ walls. Wooo-weee. That was not a good experience.
So now I’m on another drug. One that is apparently ‘the go to when someone is diagnosed with depression and insomnia.” I was warned about how sleepy it made you. I was all “YAY! Woo-hoo! Fantastic!” ………I’ve already had to double my dose. As I write this (saturday night) I’ve had 2 beers, stuffed myself with greasy food, took two pills, and I’m still wide-freaking-awake.
I’m beginning to think I’m not meant to sleep. Seriously. There’s gotta be something wrong with me that my body can basically laugh off every sleeping med thrown at it within a couple days.
This freaking sucks.
On the plus side, no nightmares.
On the not-plus-side, that would be because when I’m not wide awake, I’m dead-to-the-world asleep which means if I am having dreams, I’m not remembering them, but given what people have said to me, I’m probably not hitting REM enough TO have nightmares.
Why did I think seeing a doctor would help?
Sleep is for the weak! (Maybe one day I’ll actually believe that.)