The Darkness (2016) Review (Horror)

Movie poster for The Darkness

Synopsis: A family returns from a Grand Canyon vacation, haunted by an ancient supernatural entity they unknowingly awakened and engages them in a fight for their survival.

Tagline: Evil comes home.

Release Date: May 13th, 1016 | MPAA Rating: PG-13 | Coolthulhus Earned: Unrated

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Radha Mitchell, David Mazouz

The Darkness official trailer.


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The Darkness Review

The Darkness was potentially the most boring horror movie to come out in 2016. The thing is, I can’t even really call it bad. It’s just so completely bland that fifteen minutes after the movie was over, I was struggling to recall enough about it to write this review. From the animals acting wonky, to taps turning on by themselves, and dark figures walking through the shot… If it’s been done somewhere else, The Darkness has regurgitated it here. 

Kevin Bacon and Radha Mitchell play a husband and wife that are having marital problems but haven’t given up on it yet. Unfortunately, this is impossible to believe because Bacon and Mitchell have absolutely no screen chemistry in The Darkness. Seriously, if you told me that the actors were never in the same room with each other, just edited in a la Parent Trap, I would believe it. There’s not really anything better I can say about the kids. Lucy Fry’s performance is okay but forgettable. David Mazouz’s attempt at playing a young boy with autism never quite clicks.

I’m not sure what about this movie the directors thought was actually supposed to be scary. I mean, obviously, we were supposed to be all scared because of the spirits or whatever in The Darkness. But considering the closest they came to originality in presenting even “eerie” is a gigantic burn mark… Look, I jump at everything. I’m a complete and total wuss when it comes to horror movies. I think I might have twitched a toe in surprise at one point. Maybe. I don’t think the toe actually really moved. I think it was just a muscle twitch that was never even fully realized. And I watched it with the lights off.

The Darkness felt like nothing so much as an “Eh, screw it, I need the money” movie for Bacon. I’d almost bet he showed up, dully recited his lines, got his paycheck and went home. The other ones might actually have been trying but they were screwed over by pretty much everything about this movie. The Darkness is such a bland, unoriginal attempt at a horror movie that even rating it would do more to bolster its legitimacy than it deserves. There are much better horror movies out there, folks. Ones that this movie at best pays homage to, at worst just blatantly recycles. (Re)Watch those instead.

 

6 thoughts on “The Darkness (2016) Review (Horror)

  1. Dang it! I was hoping this would be scary. If it didn’t scare you, I know it won’t scare me. I’ll wait for it to come out for free. Not wasting my money. Thanks for helping me save some pennies. I had this to purchase On Demand.

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