Apocalypse Cow Synopsis: When scientists with warped imaginations accidentally unleash an experimental bioweapon that transforms Britain’s animals into sneezing, bloodthirsty zombies with a penchant for pre-dinner sex with their victims, three misfits become the unlikely hope for salvation.
Abattoir worker Terry Borders’ love life is crippled by the stench of death that clings to his skin from his days spent slaughtering cows; teenage vegan Geldof ‘Scabby’ Peters alternates between scratching furiously at his rash and baiting his overbearing New Age mother; and inept journalist Lesley McBrien struggles forlornly in the shadow of her famous war correspondent father and the star journalist at the Glasgow Tribune.
When Britain begins a rapid descent into chaos and ministers cynically attempt to blame al-Qaeda, Lesley stumbles upon proof that the government is behind the outbreak. During her bumbling quest to unveil the truth, she crosses paths with Terry and Geldof, and together they set out to escape a quarantined Britain with the evidence and vital data that could unlock a cure for the virus.
Standing in the way are rampaging hordes of animals, a ruthless security agent and an army ready to shoot anybody with a case of the sniffles on the off-chance the virus has mutated.
Three losers. Overwhelming odds. A single outcome: the world is screwed. – Goodreads
Apocalypse Cow Review
There have been many novels about the end of the world, but there’s only been one Apocalypse Cow. Okay, so technically there’s 2 because there’s a sequel called World War Moo, but still. The beef (and pork? and chicken? Awwww, crap!) has a, uh, beef it needs to settle with us. Hang on to your britches, folks, this book was moo-stly fun and udder madness!
This is going to be one of those books that you either love or hate. I absolutely loved it. I’m almost as hard to please with Comedy as I am with Fantasy books, but Apocalypse Cow hit the nail on the head. I did everything from snicker to guffaw, to choke on my food while I was reading.
“But good looks counted for nothing when you smelled of intestines.”
“Colin threw his head back to let out a laugh so loud and brazen in its bum-lickery it resonated through the office window”
“Behind wire -rimmed glasses, he had the eyes of a man who would strangle his own mother in order to get his inheritance early. Had Terry met him under different circumstances,he would have assumed he was a banker.”
“Let me get this straight. Your plan is to sit here and hope the good vegan vibes you’re sending out will protect us?”
-Michael Logan, Apocalypse Cow
Basically, the government screws up, and this virus gets released. The food chain gets fried. At first its just the cows that are infected, but it soon spreads, and its a rip-roaring read with some shockingly gory and also sad moments acting as a balance to the hilarious zingers Logan casually tosses about during the udder madness of Apocalypse Cow. Its beefed up with enough action to keep the pace feeling almost frenetic, even when there’s really not that much going on. The characters are disturbingly believable, though the representation of the vegan might offend other vegans.
I was surprised to find that I actually ended up caring about Geldof, the youngest of the crew, and even Lesley and Terry. The rest of them were take or leave (primarily because they were bull-headed toe-rags.) It was ridiculous, hilarious, disturbing and odd, and definitely supplants Year Zero as the best comedy book I’ve read in 2015.
Apocalypse Cow is on Amazon , and I consider it a Moo-st Buy.
PS: If you’re interested, I’ve also read and reviewed the second book in this series – World War Moo. Click here to see how it stacks up against Apocalypse Cow.